tick.tock

tick.tock.tick.tock.

drip

drip


why is it when you so look forward to something that it seems like time intentionally slows down just to irritate us? i feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas to come. you want it to come so quickly but still, every time you wake up you are only allowed to cross off one day from your calendar.

i know that what i am looking forward to will be very deceptive, though. as soon as it really gets close, life will become miserable. i will most likely hate myself.

so what hope is there? just close my eyes? act like nothing is going to happen?

my feelings are so completely torn. on one hand i am so extremely excited for what is to come, yet on the other i hate what i am going to do to those around me. i won’t be here to laugh with them, to dry their tears or to put a smile back on their faces.

they are not mine and i continually must remind myself of this...it just doesn’t make things any easier.


with eyes wide shut,

*h

P.S.

three days after writing this i balled because i realized time really is going by....